Psalm 1, Part 1

It's been a year since I last wrote here. Not that anyone is still reading. My plan is to update this once a week, mostly with thoughts that come from devotionals with the Psalms. So here goes.

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

This psalm is the first (duh), and I wonder why it was put first. Probably not because it was written first. I think it was important for those who worshiped Yahweh to see from the get-go that they were not as strong as they thought they were. They could be one of two people: righteous or wicked. They could be influenced by the Torah, God's Word, or by other wicked people. No one was immune to becoming like chaff that blew away in the wind.

They needed to know that digging deep into God's Word was the only way they would be righteous. Odds are this psalm was written during or after Israel's exile to Babylon, around the time the synagogue was starting. The synagogue was THE place to hear the words of God, and also the place to sing some of the other psalms. This psalm was a call to worship, to participate in the communal praise of Yahweh. Get this and you get the rest of the psalms.

I think this psalm also is supposed to put an end to any doubts of those Jews who may have wondered if following Yahweh was the best way. They were living in a foreign land with foreign people worshiping foreign gods. And all these people seemed to be doing better than them. Yet this psalm says whatever the righteous do will prosper, and the way of the wicked will perish (vv. 3, 6). Its saying that even though things seem to be just the opposite, walking in the ways of God is still worth it. Not just worth it, but its the best way and the ONLY way to live. Not really a message that preaches well in today's culture.

So the next question logically for me is, What is Yahweh's way? Where else does the Bible speak of God's "way"? A question for next time.

New Layout

I finally updated to beta blogging (I think that's what it's called). It's still the same site, same sermon posts and same posts about premarital counseling, just a new look. Enjoy.

Session 2: Family Background and Roles

Session 2 takes place about 4 months prior to the wedding. Some of the goals are to discern any possible problems with family members, understand more about their upbringing, teach about roles in marriage, and search for red flags in the relationship.

We review the parental wisdom project and their personality tests. Then we review their reading. After that, it's diving right in to session 2.

Relationships

Obviously there are many more reasons why marriages fail. These are a few of the overlooked ones. We generally attribute divorce to financial or sexual problems, abuse or addictions, or something "high-profile." This session covers reasons 1-3 in some way. We talk about these things in the second session because all too often couples decide to get married and are at a "point of no return" in the months leading up to the wedding. The earlier we can acknowledge possible red flags the better. It's easier to call off a wedding if you haven't sent out invitations, bought a dress, etc.

4 Reasons Why Marriages Fail

1. One or both persons fail to understand the stages and changes of individual development—the seasons of life—and how these changes affect their marriage. Many women experience a mid-life “crisis” in their late thirties/early forties, and so do men.
2. People have an inadequate basis upon which they build their personal identity and security. Too many build on performance, perfectionism, or appearance, and these eventually fade. Our identity comes from our Creator—God—and only when we are secure in Him will we have a strong sense of identity.
3. People come to marriage with unresolved issues between them and their parents, or they come from dysfunctional families and this intrudes upon their marriage.
4. People never get prepared for marriage and have totally unrealistic expectations about marriage.

Relational Red Flags

A. You have a general uneasy feeling that there is something wrong in your relationship with your fiancé.
B. You find yourself arguing often.
C. Your fiancé seems irrationally jealous whenever you interact with someone of the opposite sex.
D. You avoid discussing certain subjects because you’re afraid of your fiancé’s reaction.
E. Your fiancé finds it extremely difficult to express emotions or is prone to extreme emotions (out-of-control anger) or is on an emotional rollercoaster.
F. Your fiancé is controlling your appearance, interaction with friends, time spent together, etc.
G. You are continuing the relationship because of fear: fear of hurting your fiancé or of what he/she might do if you break up.
H. Your fiancé does not treat you with respect.
I. Your fiancé is unable to hold down a job or is frequently borrowing money.
J. Your fiancé is unable to resolve conflict. He/she cannot deal with constructive criticism, never admits a mistake and never asks for forgiveness.
K. Your fiancé is overly dependent on his/her parents for finances, decision-making or emotional security.
L. Your fiancé shows a pattern of dishonesty, rationalizing behavior, or twisting the truth.
M. Your fiancé is abusing drugs or alcohol.
N. Your fiancé is addicted to pornography.

Other/Past Relationships

How much time will you spend with friends after you’re married?

How will you relate to opposite-sex friends after you’re married?

Have you had other serious dating relationships in the past?

Are you still friends with that person?

Do either of you have friends of the opposite sex? How close are you? How does your fiancé feel about this relationship?

How will this close friendship change after you’re married?

Do either of you get jealous? When? How do you act on your jealousy?

Spiritual Background

What kind of religious upbringing did you have, if any?

Describe your current personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

How certain are you that you are going to heaven when you die?

Describe your spiritual life over the past 10 years. What were the high points? What were the low points? What caused growth or prevented growth?

Are you involved in a local church? How has your involvement in a local church helped you grow in your relationship with Christ and your outreach to others?

If you had one passage from God’s Word that you would like your fiancé to incorporate into his/her life, what would it be? If you need some time to think about it, we can get back to it next time.

I realize this is a small section. Don't worry: we talk more about God later. I've found that most couples aren't going to know how to answer these questions. In our first meeting together, before we even start counseling, I find out whether they are Christians as well. Only so a believer isn't yoked with a non-believer. It's always a challenge to talk about Christ and the importance of a marriage built on Him, especially with guys. Most of them turn me off at this point.

While I don't believe Christianity to be solely a ticket to heaven, the question about heaven and its answer provides great insight on a person's idea of God/Christ/salvation.

Functional and Dysfunctional Families

Most of us can identify characteristics from both lists, functional and dysfunctional, that were a part of our families growing up. How does a couple function when one comes from a largely functional family and the other a largely dysfunctional family? Is it smart to marry a couple like that?

The Functional Family

If a person was raised in a healthy home, he or she is fortunate. These families are called functional families because they function effectively and productively. Functional families display many of the following positive qualities:
1. The climate of the home is positive. The atmosphere is basically nonjudgmental.
2. Each member of the family is valued and accepted for who he or she is. There is regard for individual characteristics.
3. Each person is allowed to operate within his/her proper role. A child is allowed to be a child and an adult is an adult.
4. Members of the family care for one another, and they verbalize their caring and affirmation.
5. The communication process is healthy, open and direct. There are no double messages.
6. Children are reared in such a way that they can mature and become individuals in their own right. They separate from mom and dad in a healthy manner.
7. The family enjoys being together. They do not get together out of a sense of obligation.
8. Family members can laugh together.
9. Family members can share their hopes, dreams, fears, and concerns with one another and still be accepted. A healthy level of intimacy exists within the home.

The Dysfunctional Family

The dysfunctional family is just the opposite. The phrase “shame-and-blame based” is a good description for this type of home. Dysfunctional families display many of these negative characteristics.
1. Abuse. Physical, emotional or sexual abuse can be blatant or subtle. Overprotecting a child, blaming others for the child’s problems, or distorting a child’s sense of reality (like saying his father doesn’t have a drinking problem but he’s just tired and overworked) are part of the emotional abuse one suffers.
2. Perfectionism. A child constantly feels he/she isn’t good enough for his/her parents.
3. Rigidity. Rules can never be broken, everything is planned and nothing is done spontaneously. There is no joy, no surprises like going on vacation.
4. Silence. A gag rule meaning no one can talk about the family outside the home. You can’t go to someone else with a problem but must keep it within the home. Thus children grow up thinking they must handle everything on their own.
5. Repression. Emotions are repressed and controlled instead of expressed openly. People put on a mask and only express what is “appropriate” and only when “appropriate.” Repressing feelings can trigger overeating, anorexia and bulimia, substance abuse, and compulsions of all types.
6. Triangulation. One family member uses another as a go-between. Children are caught in the middle of parents’ arguments. The child then begins to feel like his/her parents’ problems are his/her fault.
7. Double Messages. A young girl puts her arms around her father and feels his back stiffen as he tries to pull away. Both say, “I love you,” but she also hears his body language saying he doesn’t like being close to her.
8. Lack of Fun. Too much seriousness and not enough play time. For kids, this is a killer. The family doesn’t know how to have fun or use humor in positive ways.
9. Martyrdom. Others are put before the family. Kids are told to tough it out. “You aren’t hurt, so quit crying!” The family is the victim, so the kids grow up denying themselves pleasures and suppressing their true feelings.
10. Entanglement. Everyone pokes his/her nose in others’ business. No one knows what the boundaries are. When one person is feeling down, the whole family feels down.

Family Background

Marriage is not to one person, it's to an entire family. Though God calls us to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse, that doesn't mean we cut off all ties to our in-laws. I just married a couple last Saturday, and their 6-yr-old daughter cried when I introduced the unity candle. She thought she would never see grandma and grandpa again!

It's important to learn where each person has come from because, no matter how hard we try, we generally take something from our parents, both good and bad.


How many siblings do you each have? How do you get along with them?

Do they get along with your fiancé?

How far apart do your families live?

How important is family to you? Will they be a priority after you get married? How often will you visit them?

What was your family’s socioeconomic background as you were growing up? What is it now?

Is there any way in which there is still a dependency or something unresolved between you and your parents?

Did you experience any kind of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) as you grew up? Explain.

What traumatic, tragic events or hardships did your family experience? How did these shape you?

As you look back on your family history, do you see any legacies that have been passed from one generation to the next? (For example, one family might pass on a legacy of trusting in God through hard times, while another may give up in hard times.)

What words would you use to describe your parents’ marriage? Why did you choose these words?

What is there about your parents’ marriage that you want or don’t want?

What roles did your parents assume in the house?

How did they make decisions?

How do you think your relationships to your parents will change after you are married?

What other relatives do you expect to be involved in your marriage and family (siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc)? In what ways would they be involved?

How involved do you want your parents and in-laws to be in your children’s lives? How will you accomplish this?

In this section, the man answers questions about his mother and the woman answers questions about her father. They say you subconsciously pick a spouse based on positive traits you see in your parent of the opposite sex. These are all questions for him, but replace "mother" with "father" and you get the questions for her.

List what you feel are the positive qualities of your mother.

List what you feel are the negative qualities of your mother.

Describe how you feel about your mother.

What emotions does she express openly and how?

Describe how you and your mother communicate.

Describe the most pleasant and unpleasant experiences with your mother.

In what way is your fiancé similar and dissimilar to your mother?

What role will your mom play after marriage? Will you run to her or to your wife?

Roles Comparison

What do you believe about roles in marriage? Close your eyes and place up between 1-5 fingers. 1=strongly agree; 2=mildly agree; 3=not sure; 4=mildly disagree; 5=strongly agree

1. The husband is the head of the home.
2. The wife should not be employed outside the home.
3. The husband should help regularly with the household chores.
4. It is all right for the wife to initiate love-making with her husband.
5. The husband and wife should plan the budget and manage money matters together.
6. Neither the husband nor the wife should purchase an item costing more than $100 without consulting the other.
7. The father is the one responsible for disciplining the children.
8. A wife who has special talent should have a career.
9. It is the wife’s responsibility to keep the house neat and clean.
10. The husband should take his wife out somewhere twice a month.
11. It is the husband’s job to do the yard work.
12. The mother should be the one who teaches values to the children.
13. Children should be allowed to help plan family activities.
14. Children develop better in a home with parents who are strict disciplinarians.
15. Money that the wife earns is her money.
16. The husband or wife should have at least one night a week out with his/her friends.
17. The wife should always be the one to cook.
18. The husband’s responsibility is to his job and the wife’s responsibility is to the home and children.


Roles are something we’ve all heard of, and our parents probably had some sort of roles. But really, if there’s something the husband is good at, let him do it. The same goes for the wife. Don’t stress out if he ends up making dinner more than she does, or if she works outside the home and he doesn’t. If you can both be happy in the role you’re in, go for it.

I look for differences in the fingers. We talk about those they disagree about and see why. Personally, I think roles are helpful to a point. If a man and woman fulfill "traditional" roles, great. If not, as long as they can work together....that's the main thing. The only one I stick with firmly is #1, the husband as head of the wife, with an understanding of "headship" from Christ as the head of the church.

Marriage Goals and Expectations Homework

At the end of the second session I assign 2 bits of homework. The first is to make a list of marriage goals. Each person needs to make a list of 8 marriage goals, one personal goal for the next 3-5 years, and one goal for their future spouse in the next 3-5 years (being sure not to say I hope he/she changes...). Goals are like a vision for a church: without it, the church goes nowhere. I think the same applies to our marriages. Without some basic goals, like "We want to have a date night at least 3 times a month," it is harder to sustain a marriage and grow as a couple.

The next assignment involves expectations. They are each to write out 20 expectations they have for the other person. "I expect him to take out the trash each week." "I expect her to do the majority of the cleaning." Perhaps these are realistic expectations, perhaps they are not. We find that out in session three. Then they have to write out a sentence explaining how their marriage would be different if each goal was not met. If all these sentences sound selfish, I know we need to talk.

Thus ends session 2. Tell me what you think.

Thank You for Helping

I know only one person left a comment saying they would read over my premarital counseling material. Thanks Kelly! So if you're reading this and wondering what's going on, here's the scoop.

I am posting everything I use during my six premarital counseling sessions online—one a week—and asking for opinions. You may have questions, you may wonder why I included something or why I didn't include something else. That's the goal. Feedback. So comment as much as you want, even if that is just a few words of affirmation. I don't know what you're thinking unless you tell me.

You'll notice some parts are italicized. That's me narrating.

I also want to give credit where credit's due. Some parts of these posts are direct quotes. I'm not attempting to pass others' material off as my own. I'm simply asking if you think it's beneficial for me to use. Here are the primary resources I used to compile what you see:

Before You Say "I Do" workbook by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts
Preparing for Marriage by David Boehl, Brent Nelson, Jeff Schulte & Lloyd Shadrach
The Premarital Counseling Handbook by H. Norman Wright
Class notes from an IWU Pastoral Counseling class
Handouts from my father-in-law, Pastor Gale Janofski

Thanks for your help. Happy reading!
Myself

Purpose of Premarital Counseling

I believe it's extremely important the couple know up front that counseling is beneficial even though they hate homework and feel ready for marriage already. I want them to know they might disagree with what I say and that they won't always leave happy campers. This is especially true for non-Christian couples. So this is how I open up our first session together.

What were your expectations for premarital counseling?

The purpose of these sessions is to see if you are ready for marriage. It is to test your relationship with each other, with parents and with God. There will be times you will walk away in frustration or anger. That’s okay.

Marriage is for the rest of your life. It’s important that you understand just how long that is and how big a commitment you are making to this person. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone who gets engaged gets married. Your honesty and perseverance through these sessions and the homework assigned will go a long way in this journey for marital preparation.

“To me it seems that we are living in an important and uncertain age, and the institution of marriage is most assuredly in an uncertain state. If 50-75 percent of Ford or General Motors cars completely fell apart within the early part of their lifetimes as automobiles, drastic steps would be taken. We have no such well organized way of dealing with our social institutions, so people are groping, more or less blindly, to find alternatives to marriage (which is certainly less than 50 percent successful). Living together without marriage, living in communes, extensive child care centers, serial monogamy (with one divorce after another), the women’s liberation movement to establish the woman as a person in her own right, new divorce laws which do away with the concept of guilt—these are all groping toward some new form of man-woman relationship for the future. It would take a bolder man than I to predict what will emerge.”
—Carl Rogers, counselor, 1972.

Defining Marriage

Define marriage. What is its purpose?

Do you believe that marriage is a covenant? Why or why not?

Do you agree or disagree with the following quotes?

“Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.” —Sydney Smith

“Is marriage a private action of two persons in love, or a public act of two pledging a contract? Neither, it is something other. Very much other! Basically, the Christian view of marriage is not that it is primarily or essentially a binding legal and social contract. The Christian understands marriage as a covenant made under God and in the presence of fellow members of the Christian family. Such a pledge endures, not because of the force of law or the fear of its actions, but because an unconditional covenant has been made. A covenant more solemn, more binding, more permanent than any legal contract.” —David Augsburger

“A system by means of which persons who are sinful and contentious are so caught up by a dream and a purpose bigger than themselves that they work through the years, in spite of repeated disappointment, to make the dream come true.” —Unknown.

“Marriage is a relationship between man and woman intended by God to be a monogamous relationship, intended to be a permanent bond in which many needs are satisfied—the need to love and be loved, the need for deep friendship, for sharing, for companionship, for sexual satisfaction, for children, the need to escape loneliness. Marriage ought to be a bond of love, reflecting the love Christ has for His people, a bond of sacrificial love where husband and wife have become one, one flesh, a unity.” —Daniel Freeman

Good and Bad Reasons for Marriage

My goal for this time is to look for red flags of immaturity, selfishness, or an unhealthy relationship. If a couple cannot come up with 12 reasons to marry the other person and 12 reasons to get married now, that's also a red flag.

What will you receive out of marriage that you wouldn’t receive by remaining single?

Share 12 reasons why you want to marry the other person and 12 indications as to why this is the time of your life to marry.

Unhealthy Reasons for Marriage:

To spite or get back at your parents.
Because of a negative self-image—marrying your fiancé will make you feel worthwhile and will give meaning to your life.
False idealism—thinking you’ll be happy because you’re married.
To be a therapist or counselor to your fiancé.
Fear of being left out. Being left as a bachelor or old maid.
Fear of independence.
Marrying on the rebound—you were hurt in a former love relationship and to ease your hurt you immediately choose another.
Fear of hurting the other person—you’re afraid of what will happen to your fiancé if you break up even though you know that marriage is not the answer.
To escape an unhappy home.
Financial stability—needing someone else to support you financially.
Because you are pregnant or your fiancé is pregnant.
Because you have had sex.
Because the other person looks physically attractive.

Positive Reasons for Marriage:

Companionship.
To work together and fulfill your own and your future mate’s needs.
To fulfill sexual needs in the way God intends.
Love: a mixture between eros, philia and agape.
Because you are convinced that it is God’s will for you to marry this person.

Getting to Know You

These are a few questions I ask to get to know the couple. I've already taken some time to get to know them during our initial meeting, where I determine whether or not to begin counseling.

How did you meet?

What attracted you to one another?

How long have you been dating/engaged?

If I were to ask you to describe your fiancé, what would you say?

Is there anything about your current relationship you would like to change after marriage?

Have you discussed this marriage with your parents? How do they feel about it?

What are your hobbies? Which do you do separately, and which do you do together?

My fiancé irritates me most when he/she:

What are your pet peeves?

Love

This next section of session 1 is all about love: what the Bible says about it, what the couple thinks about it, and why it's so important.

How would you define love?


Love in Scripture

Proverbs 17:17
Matthew 22:37-39
John 3:16
1 Corinthians 8:1
Luke 6:27-32
Ephesians 4:2
1 Peter 4:8
Luke 10:30-37
Ephesians 5:25
1 John 3:16-18

1 Corinthians 13 In-Depth

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is one of the most poetic passages of Scripture regarding love. As we look at all that it says, give three examples of how each could be applied in your marriage.

1. Is patient—endures offenses, is not hasty, waits for the Lord to right all wrong.

2. Is kind—not inconsiderate, seeks to help, is constructive, blesses when cursed, helps when hurt, demonstrates tenderness.

3. Is not envious but content—is not jealous of another person’s success or competition.

4. Is not boastful, but reserved—does not show off, try to impress, want to be the center of attention.

5. Is not arrogant or proud but humble—is not stuck-up; but lowly and gracious.

6. Is not rude, but courteous.

7. Is not selfish, but self-forgetful.

8. Is not easily angered, but good tempered.

9. Is not a score keeper—not vindictive or wrathful, but generous.

10. Does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.

11. Is a protector, even when it costs something.

12. Is trusting, not cynical or critical, gives the benefit of the doubt.

13. Is hopeful for the best, does not give up easily.

14. Is not conquerable, but invincible.

Three Types of Love: Eros, Philia, Agape

1. Eros: The love that seeks sensual expression. Eros is a romantic love, a sexual love. The husband and wife, in a good marriage, will love each other romantically and erotically.
2. Philia: The love friendships are made of. Friendship means companionship, communication, and cooperation. This is philia.
3. Agape: A self-giving love, the love that goes on loving even when the other becomes unlovable. Agape love is not something that happens to you; it’s something you make happen. Love is a personal act of commitment. Christ’s love is this type of love. It’s sacrificial, unconditional and eternal.

What can you do to demonstrate these three kinds of love in your marriage? Write three examples for each.

Eros Philia Agape
1. 1. 1.
2. 2. 2.
3. 3. 3.


In light of what is happening to marriages today, why will yours be different?

And that's the end of session 1 besides assigning homework.

Parental Wisdom Project/Other Homework

Part of their homework for session 2 is a parental wisdom project. The goal is to learn from their parents, both the good and the bad. And hopefully it helps their parents feel like they are impacting their children. I also have the take a personality test (not posting it) and read the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.

The premise of the book is that God uses marriage to make us holy. Not only is this a new concept to most couples, it's also a Christian concept. The book is loaded with Scripture and stories from the author's marriage and the marriages of others that illustrate his point. I found it helpful in my own marriage, so why not let others read it too?

With each chapter they are to mark in the book to show they've read, as well as ask three questions. Those questions form the beginning of our discussion in the following session. So you don't think they have to read it all at once, reading is spread out over a period of about 5 months.

Here's the parental wisdom project.

“My son, observe the commandment of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother” (Proverbs 6:20).

“Honor your father and mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you” (Exodus 20:12).

This project is a way to get marital wisdom from your parents. As adults, you are not asking them to make a decision for you, nor should they expect to make your decisions for you. You are simply gaining their input, insights, and counsel (questions 1-10).

This project will also help you as your future in-laws give you a better understanding of how to love their son or daughter. Your relationship with your in-laws can be one of the richest in your life when you begin your marriage by honoring them (questions 11-13).

The best way to complete this project is to sit down face-to-face with your parents and future in-laws. If you cannot meet face-to-face, a phone conversation is the next best thing. Hearing their answers will give you more wisdom than reading their answers. If both of those don’t work, you can mail it to them and have it mailed back or email it.

If your parents are divorced, you can decide who to ask. If you want to ask step-parents, that’s fine. It is probably best to include those people you feel close to. If some of the questions are touchy subjects for your parents, feel free to adapt the questionnaire. Have fun with your parents!

1. What strengths do you see in my life that will help me in marriage?

2. What weaknesses do you see in my life that will be a challenge for me to work on and overcome in my marriage?

3. If you could give me one piece of advice about marriage (based on what you did right or wrong), what would it be and why?

4. What is your best advice to me in the following areas as I embark on this new adventure called marriage? Pick three to five you would like to comment on.
◊Finances
◊Commitment
◊Priorities
◊Communication
◊Humor
◊Work
◊Sex
◊Parenting
◊Husband/Wife Roles
◊Spiritual Growth

5. Is there anything special or meaningful to you that you would like us to include in the wedding ceremony?

6. How do you anticipate my relationship with you, as my parents, will change now that I am marrying and establishing a new family and home?

7. How would you like us to handle holidays?

8. If God gives us children, how would you like to be in their lives?

9. Would you like us to drop in unannounced or call before visiting?

10. Do you have any specific expectations about where we attend church?

11. What are some qualities you see in me as a future son- or daughter-in-law that make you think I am the right person for your son/daughter to marry?

12. What unique and personal advice would you give me about your son/daughter that will help me to be the life partner he/she needs?

13. What would you like me to call you after we are married?

Purity Covenant

This is the purity covenant that I have them sign during session 1.

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his/her own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like those who do not know God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Hebrews 13:4

It is easy to know another person sexually, especially in our present culture. But a marriage relationship requires much more than physical intimacy. There first needs to be spiritual and emotional intimacy to build trust, commitment and communication. Marriage is a lifelong covenant to love and care and nourish.

God had our best in mind when He gave us strong directives about sexual purity before marriage. There are many benefits to staying pure before marriage. By waiting until marriage, you:
Please God.
Build trust that is necessary for intimacy.
Develop godly qualities of patience and self-control.
Affirm you care more for the other person than for yourself.
Protect yourself from feelings of guilt and shame.
Provide an example for your children.
Are protected from emotional, physical and mental trauma should you break up.
Develop healthy communication skills and habits.
Avoid the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy.
Maintain a clear conscience before God and others.
Increase the anticipation and enjoyment of your wedding night.
Experience the peace God gives from obedience.
Discover more about each other than the physical.
Maintain a witness to a lost world.
Bring glory to God.

Were there any of those that resonated with you? Mark your top five and share why they were important. Keep this in a prominent place until your wedding day. Remind yourself why you are waiting.

In obedience to God’s command, I promise to protect your sexual purity from this day until our honeymoon. Because I respect and honor you, I commit to building up the inner person of your heart rather than violating you. I pledge to show my love for you in ways that allow both of us to maintain a clear conscience before God and each other.

This is my promise of purity.

Signed _____________________ Dated ________________
Signed _____________________ Dated ________________

Witnessed By ________________ Dated ________________

I Have an Idea

I'm the type of person who is rarely satsified with his work. Always improving, always looking for new ideas. In the last year as a pastor, I've had the privilege of counseling two couples and marrying them (well, the second couple gets married this month). It's been fun coming up with material for six sessions of counseling, and for the most part I think it's good, but I'm sure it could be better.

My father-in-law, Pastor Gale Janofski at Warsaw Wesleyan in Warsaw, IN, has couples sit in on "mock" counseling sessions. They hear exactly what he says to a couple and help evaluate the relevance of the material. I really don't have that many married couples in my church, so here's where you come in. I'd like for you to "sit in" on my sessions, one session a week for the next 6 weeks.

If I get enough responses to the idea by the end of next week (Sept. 8), I'll start posting them. If you're interested in helping out, leave me a comment.

Thanks!

God's Story

Our church recently came up with a new mission statement: Celebrating Christ as Lord, sharing His story, and serving our community. So I preached a sermon about God's story based on Hosea 3:1-5 last Sunday.

Here it is.

Have you ever read a bedtime story to your kids? You tuck them in for bed, bring them that one final glass of water, and sit at the edge of the bed to read. I can remember staying overnight at my grandma’s house in Ohio. In the back bedroom my brother and I shared, there was a bookcase filled with Dr. Seuss books. They had The Cat in the Hat; the Lorax; Green Eggs and Ham; One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish; Oh, the Places You’ll Go; How the Grinch Stole Christmas and dozens more. My brother and I would pick a book at night and read in bed. I don’t think it helped us fall asleep; in fact, we did it to stay awake longer.

Nowadays the stories kids “read” aren’t just in books, but also on the television. Stories like Sponge Bob Square Pants, High School Musical, Ratatouille, or other shows on the Disney Channel. As adults, we like stories too. Whether they come in book form or TV form, we like stories.

As Christians, not only do we read the Bible and the stories it contains, but we are also part of the story. God leaves an open ending to the story with promises of what is to come. And though there are hundreds of stories in the Bible, with hundreds of characters, spanning thousands of years, there really is only one story. God’s story never changes. God’s story never changes because He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is the Great I AM.

This concept is hard for us to grasp. In an age when philosophers tell us, “You are who you are right now,” how we’re not the same person today as we were a year ago, following a God who never changes is exactly what we need. Listening to His story of love for His people—Israel in the Old Testament and the Church in the New—brings consistency to a life of change.

Not only that, but listening to the message of God’s story brings hope and joy. Because God’s story is a love story: a story that tells of His unconditional love for people who leave Him for other gods, who try to mix Him up with their selfish desires, who only obey His commands and look to Him when life gets tough, who believe that all roads lead to Him, who reinvent Him to fit their needs as a God who only loves and is never just. God continues to love those people, you and me, no matter what.

Today we’re going to pick up God’s story in Hosea chapter 3, a chapter that reveals God’s love as much as any other.

The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.” So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley. Then I told her, “You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with you.” For the Israelites will live many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or sacred stones, without ephod or idol. Afterward the Israelites will return and seek the Lord their God and David their king. They will come trembling to the Lord and to his blessings in the last days.

Hosea 3 tells the story of Hosea and his wife. In chapter 1, God told Hosea to marry a woman from Israel. She is described in 1:2 as an adulterous wife, meaning she is at the very least worshiping Baal and therefore has turned from God as a woman turns from her husband. And at the most it means she is literally a prostitute. Now he is called to love her “again.” This word means that Hosea is called to resume doing something he had done in the past. Now that they are together again, he is to love her just as he did before.

Think of how crazy that is. His wife, named Gomer, the very woman he has three children with, somehow has gone out and become a prostitute again, and Hosea is supposed to love her. He’s not supposed to have sex with her, but to love her. In our society this would never fly. Most people I know would head straight to divorce court if they caught their spouse cheating on them. They would take the kids and run.

Even in the church this is the case. Sexual sins are the worst ones for us, whether that be adultery, prostitution, homosexuality, premarital sex. We treat people who commit sexual sins much worse than those who are proud or gossip or bull-headed. Maybe this is because we see our culture promote sex with anyone, anytime as being a good thing and we want to safeguard our families from it.

Guess what? It was just as bad in Israel when Hosea was alive. This other god, Baal, was worshiped by setting up shrines where prostitute could make a living. The idea was that the more you had sex, the better Baal would be in bringing rain to the earth to increase the harvest. And since Israel was in one of its most prosperous times, Baal worship would have been at an all-time high.

Somehow Gomer had gotten mixed up with all of this. Whether she was a prostitute for Baal or just a prostitute, that was how she made a living. And Hosea is commanded to love her “as the LORD loves the Israelites.” What this says to me is that God’s love is unexplainable and unconditional.

Leviticus 19:4 says, “Do not turn to idols or make gods of cast metal for yourselves. I am the LORD your God.” Israel had been specifically told not to do what they were doing, and yet they still turned to worship other gods. They “love the sacred raisin cakes” at the end of verse 1. These raisin cakes were a delicacy and were eaten by those engaged in sexual worship of Baal. Song of Songs 2:5 says, “Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love.” Thus this is a picture of just how deep Israel has fallen for Baal worship. As the raisins were supposed to be a part of marital sexuality, they had turned them into a perverted part of their Baal worship.

Verse 2 says, “So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley.” The point here is that Hosea paid the full price for Gomer. The price for a slave was 30 shekels, and Hosea’s 15 shekels plus the barley would have equaled 30 shekels. The word for “bought” is literally “barter.” Hosea traded what he had for his wife Gomer. If he had been a well-off man, he could have paid the 30 shekels and went home. But this suggests Hosea was poor and had to give what he had. The barley he gave was a sacrifice for him.

When we read of Hosea and Gomer, it’s almost like reading about Jesus and us. We have “played the harlot” and at times turned to other gods: the gods of self, of greed, of envy, of power, of pride. And it took Jesus to pay the full price for our sin to redeem us.

That’s what the first two verses are about: God’s unconditional love and our redemption. In a time when most of Israel depended on its wealth, its good crops, and the Baals, having to be redeemed would have been a humbling position for Gomer. And I think it’s the same way with us. We have our minds dead set that we can accomplish anything if we try hard enough. Even when it comes to our sin. We believe that we can conquer certain sins with enough will power, with an accountability partner, with spending time with the right people or focusing our thoughts on the right things. All it takes is a consistent effort and sooner or later we’ll quit sinning. Hosea and Gomer’s story—which is really God’s story—preaches the exact opposite message. Gomer had tried all that. And she still needed redemption.

The truth is you and I still need redemption. We still need to put our trust in Christ, that what He did on the cross was all it took to pay our sin debt. Nothing we do in the present or the future can add to it or subtract from it. As Paul puts it, “God’s grace is sufficient for me.”

Verse 3 is Hosea’s instructions to Gomer. She is to live with him for many days, to not be a prostitute or have sex with any man, and he would live with her. This is the second part of the story. Hosea prevents Gomer from having sex with anyone. She cannot fall back into her old way of life. And the reason why is given in verse 4: “For the Israelites will live many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or sacred stones, without ephod or idol.”

Gomer being chaste for many days signifies the Israelites being chastened from the things they hold so dear. At first glance this list of king, price, sacrifice, sacred stone, ephod and idol looks strange or random. But it’s actually quite specific and hits the heart of Israel’s culture. Taking away a king means they really don’t have national sovereignty like other nations do. They wouldn’t be able to have a voice in international matters and they would easily be subjected by another nation. “Princes” refers to any type of leader. Without a king, Israel would have tried to resort to placing another person in power, or they could have tried to follow a group of leaders. God says that even this won’t happen. They will no longer rule themselves, and therefore they won’t have leaders who lead them to follow idols like Jeroboam had.

To take away their sacrifices was a sign that they wouldn’t be able to mix worshiping the LORD with worshiping Baal anymore. To take away ephods meant the same thing, as an ephod was a garment worn by a priest. God is basically saying Israel wouldn’t be able to offer sacrifices or go to its priests anymore.

The sacred stones and idols were part of the Baal worship. Sacred stones had been outlawed in Deuteronomy 16:22, but obviously Israel used them anyway. Israel had become syncretistic, mixing God and Baal together. Now both would be taken from them. And the purpose was not to harm them. God wasn’t saying He would leave them forever. This would be for “many days,” and in the end Israel would turn back to Him as verse 5 says.

Look there with me. “Afterward the Israelites will return and seek the LORD their God and David their king. They will come trembling to the LORD and to his blessings in the last days.” The reason God would deprive them of all the things they held dear was so they would return to Him. When he says they’ll return to David their king, this is a metaphor. David is long dead and many kings have come after him. But he was described as a man after God’s heart and the people followed God during his reign. That will happen again one day, God says, but not before discipline and chastening.

When my brothers and I fought over toys mom and dad took them away. If we couldn’t share, we couldn’t have them. Mom and dad did that so one of us would say, “You can have it.” They wanted us to share. That’s like what God is doing here. He’s taking away Israel’s prized possessions so they’ll learn how to live right.

That’s the second part of the story: discipline and return.

If we end the story at verse 2, we have a God who loves us but doesn’t care about how we act. If we end it at verse 4, we have a God who loves us and disciplines us, but we question his motives for discipline. But if we end at verse 5, we see His desire is for us to return to Him, to be together again.

Remember how we said that listening to God’s story brings hope, and how we love to hear stories. We said we enjoy hearing stories. The story of Hosea and his family reminds us that maybe God doesn’t just want us to listen but perhaps to take part. Maybe He wants to use you and your family to bring His message of love to people who don’t know He loves them. Maybe you need to discipline someone. And maybe you need to remind that person that God wants to be with them in the end.

B-A-P-T-I-S-M

Last Sunday I preached a sermon about baptism. The day before at our men's breakfast I brought up the topic and found out that some of our congregation had been baptized as infants. Boy am I glad I found that out before I preached! That's not to say I believe in infant baptism. But it helped me understand a touchy subject that previous pastors failed to understand. As of now no one has responded to a call to be baptized, though I know of a few people who could be.

Text: All over the NT


I heard a story once of a man who had recently become a Christian but was struggling with feeling like he wasn’t close to God. He went to his pastor and told him how he was feeling and asked, “What can I do? I just want to feel close to God again.” The pastor asked, “Have you been baptized?” The man said, “No.” His pastor replied, “Let’s baptize you. That should do the trick.” So they went to the local lake and the pastor said, “I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit,” dunked him and asked, “Well, do you feel closer to Him?”

The man replied, “No.” “Well, let’s do it again.” So they dunked him a second time. The pastor asked, “Do you feel closer to God?” Still no. So they baptized him a third time. “Do you feel closer to God?” The man said, “No. Are you sure this is where he went down?”

Today we’re talking about baptism. Baptism isn’t about getting closer to God. It isn’t about your feelings. It’s about what God has done in your life by saving and transforming you into a new creation.

Sometime before Jesus came on the scene his people, the Jews, began baptizing converts to Judaism. For a Jew, circumcision was the most important sign that one had turned from paganism to serving the one true God. But baptism also was a way of cleansing and initiation. By being baptized, a Gentile was able to offer sacrifices. He was now a part of the group. To Jews, baptism was only for converts.

In the New Testament, John the Baptist (or Baptizer) began baptizing Jews, saying they needed to be cleansed and repent from their sins. He was claiming that the moral platform the Jews thought they were standing on was really more of a stage, showcasing their sins for all to see. Just because they were God’s chosen people didn’t mean they didn’t need to repent. Sure, offering a sacrifice atoned for the sin itself and removed the guilt from the sinner. But did it mean the sinner had changed his heart and turned from his sin? Not necessarily. That’s where baptism came in. It leveled the playing field between Jews and Gentiles; all were in need of repentance and cleansing. Ephesians 4:4-6 says, “There is one body and one Spirit— just as you were called to one hope when you were called—one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

Christians picked up on this theme and began baptizing converts from the beginning. In Acts 2 we hear of a mass baptism: 3,000 in one day. Throughout Acts people get baptized after becoming Christians: the Ethiopian eunuch, the Philippian jailer and his family, Samaritans, Lydia…

The Didache, written in about AD 100, which stands for "Teaching" of the Apostles, gives four ways to be baptized: immersion in a stream, immersion in standing water, either cold or warm, and triple effusion, or pouring. Catechumens, the candidates for baptism, as well as the person baptizing them, were instructed to fast for one or two days before baptism. They modeled Jesus, who fasted in the desert 40 days before His baptism and subsequent ministry. Jews also required their converts to fast before baptism, so it could have been taken from them as well.

Tertullian, a Christian in the third century, wrote a pamphlet on baptism called De Baptismo. In it he explains how people were baptized in his day. Baptism was done publicly, where the candidate renounced the devil and his angels. He was then immersed three times in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The water used for baptism was consecrated prior to use. The candidate then recited a creed and was fed milk and honey to symbolize citizenship in the new Canaan (heaven). After this he was anointed with olive oil, followed by the laying-on of hands, as well as making a sign of the cross on his forehead. Tertullian also believed in waiting to baptize infants because they don’t understand what responsibilities come with baptism (e.g. repentance, righteousness).

That’s how people were baptized. But what is it all about? Here’s a helpful acronym, using the letters of “baptism,” which are on the back of your bulletin in case you’re taking notes.

“B” stands for Believers. In Acts 8, Philip was in Samaria. He preached the gospel, and verse 12 says, “When they believed Philip as he preached the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women.” In Acts 18, Paul is in Corinth. Verse 8 tells us that, “Crispus, the synagogue ruler, and his entire household believed in the Lord; and many of the Corinthians who heard him believed and were baptized.” Baptism in for those who believe the message of the Gospel. It’s not for anyone who wants to. Anyone can come to church and sing and listen to a sermon, but only those who have put their trust in Christ for salvation may be baptized.

Baptism is a sacrament, which is a big word that means it signifies a work of God inside you. It’s like putting actions to an invisible action God has done. Thus, if God hasn’t drawn a person to Himself and that person hasn’t responded by repenting of their sins, baptism doesn’t make sense for them. Baptism is for the believer.

Some believe and teach that baptism is necessary for salvation. If you’re not baptized, you don’t go to heaven, they say. Perhaps some of you have heard that. Augustine, a theologian living in the 400s, taught that. That’s one of the reasons why babies were baptized; so they wouldn’t go to hell if they died soon after birth. Baptism doesn’t save you, nor does it allow you to enter heaven. Only Jesus has done the work necessary for salvation, and only trust in Him gives eternal life.

“A” stands for Adults and Children. Because baptism is for believers and is a sign of a work God has done inside of you, Wesleyans believe that babies—who have no recognition of sin or salvation—should not be baptized. Instead they should be dedicated to God, just as Chad and Stephanie did a few weeks ago with Nickolas. The child’s parents are able to covenant with God to raise the child to follow Christ, so that upon putting faith in Christ, the child may then be baptized.

Galatians 3:27 says, “For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.” Can a baby understand what being clothed with Christ means? There are some of us who wonder what it means. “To clothe one’s self” in Greek was a figurative term that meant to take on the characteristics, virtues, and/or intentions of the one referred to, and so to become like that person. Being baptized means you strive to become like Christ. A baby cannot do that, and thus baptism for a child doesn’t make sense.

Infant baptism really took the church by storm after the reign of Constantine. Constantine was the ruler of the Roman Empire in the 4th century AD, and he made Christianity the religion of the empire. Thus, if you lived within the boundaries of the empire, you were considered a Christian. That meant that fewer and fewer people converted to Christianity as teens or adults and more and more people were “born into it.” During this time, babies were generally baptized the eighth day after birth, like Jewish babies are circumcised 8 days after birth. Baptism became a tool used to prevent children from going to hell rather than a testimony to the world of what Christ had done in one’s life.

By the 16th century, during the Protestant Reformation, Christianity was no longer the official religion anywhere, and thus both infant baptism and adult baptism were practiced. I realize that some of you were baptized as infants. Your parents had you baptized as a way of them stating they wanted to raise you as a Christian. I’m not here to say that your baptism doesn’t mean anything. I’m not here to say you need to be baptized again, though if you would like to as a way to share your testimony, I will. I’m here to say, this is what Wesleyans believe and what we practice.

“P” stands for Purification. Baptism symbolizes the change Christ has made in you, cleansing you of your sin and making you a new creation by giving you the Holy Spirit. In some traditions, people are baptized and when they are put under the water, the pastor says, “Dead to sin.” When they come up, he says, “Alive in Christ.”

Romans 6:1-4 explains it this way: “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”

Symbols are powerful. They make us feel certain ways. What do you feel when you see three arrows curved into a triangle printed on your milk jug? What about an exclamation point? A cross? A burning cross? A swastika? Each of you were feeling something when I said those words. Baptism is the same way. It gets us to feel and perhaps better understand what purification is all about.

In Zimbabwe, Christians don’t get baptized with water. Most of the flowing, natural water is contaminated and unhealthy, so they use another method. The candidates for baptism dig graves and lie down in them. They then rise up out of those graves as a way of saying, “I was baptized into Christ’s death and I am raised to live a new life.” To us that sounds crazy, but to them it says the same thing and gets them to feel the same thing as being dunked does for us.

“T” stands for Testimony. When we hear “testimony,” normally we think of people standing up in church to share something that happened that week. God healed a family member or provided for a need. Testimonies of that sort are verbal. Baptism is another form of testimony. It’s a way of saying to the world and to those who are not Christians, “I have taken my stand and placed my trust in Christ. I am His and He is mine.”

I was baptized at Brookhaven Wesleyan almost four years ago. During the service, each of us who were baptized was asked to share our testimony. I told how I had accepted Christ as my Savior and was striving to live for Him, and how I wanted everyone to know it by getting baptized.

Baptism is about testifying that you believe in Christ. Therefore it’s done publicly for all to see. We don’t come to your house and put you in the tub. We go out to Devil’s Lake or to a swimming pool.

“I” stands for Initiation. This meaning for baptism isn’t nearly as emphasized now as it was in the early church. In the early church those who weren’t baptized could only stay for half of the service. The first half was a service of the Word, like coming to a service this morning. The second half was a love feast centering on the Lord’s Supper. Only those who were baptized stayed for the meal. This was done partly because of the misunderstandings associated with the Lord’s Supper during that time. Christians were accused of being cannibals, actually eating a man’s flesh and blood. In order to keep rumors from spreading by those who didn’t understand what communion meant, only those baptized were allowed to stay for the meal.

Jesus told his disciples in the Great Commission, “Go and make disciples, baptizing them…” Wesleyans emphasize the call to make disciples and understand that baptism is a part of that call. Thus, as new people are brought into the church and put their trust in Christ, they are baptized. So baptism somewhat coincides with one’s introduction to a local church.

So, if you’re not baptized, can you participate in the ministry of the church, teaching Sunday School, leading worship, etc.? Yes. And we encourage you to do so. We also encourage you to get baptized because that’s what Jesus called us to do.

“S” stands for Sorrow. As John the Baptist was baptizing, he said, “Repent for the kingdom of heaven is near.” So people were baptized and repented of their sins. They were sorry for sinning against God and were baptized, again, as a way of showing God’s cleansing of their hearts.

Baptism isn’t just for anyone. It’s for those who have repented of their sins. Like we said before, it’s for believers in Jesus. Sometimes a pastor will ask a group of people if anyone wants to get baptized. A handful will raise their hands. Then the pastor will give a brief class, explaining to them what it’s all about. And sometimes he’ll find that a few of them raised their hands just because their friends did. Baptism is a chance to be in front of a lot of people, a chance to be proud. It’s tempting for some to say, “Look at me. Look at what a good Christian I am because I’m being baptized.”

In reality, this attitude is wrong. Baptism is for the sorrowful and humble. Acts 8 tells the story of a man who misunderstood baptism and following Christ. His name was Simon. Philip went to Samaria, where Simon lived and practiced sorcery. When he heard the gospel, he believed and was baptized with many others. When Peter and John came to check on things and laid their hands on the new believers the Holy Spirit came. Simon asked them if he could pay to have this power.

Simon thought that he could buy the power of the Holy Spirit. His attitude post-baptism causes me to question what he thought baptism was all about. Did he really repent? Did he really desire to be cleansed by the Holy Spirit, and to show that at baptism? I doubt it.

“M” stands for Means of Grace. During baptism, God gives a grace to both the one being baptized and the ones watching. He works through baptisms to draw people closer to Him. My theology professor in college told of people coming to know Christ simply through witnessing a baptismal service. We don’t know how God does it, and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that He works through baptism.

Thus, some of you are wondering, I’ve become a Christian but I’m not so sure I should be baptized. Maybe you’re scared of being in front of people. Maybe you’re scared of what people will think. Or maybe you just don’t like water. I don’t know. Weigh all those things against the fact that God could use your testimony as a way to draw others to Him.

Then think about it. If you desire to be baptized, come talk to me.

Blessed to Be a Blessing

Who thought you could preach an entire message about the benediction? While our church doesn't speak or sing it at the end of services, many churches in our area do. Perhaps your church does. The goal of this sermon is for us to hear the benediction and be reminded of why we have been blessed.

Text: Numbers 6:22-27; Psalm 67

(I played the IWU Chorale singing "The Lord Bless You and Keep You" to start out.)

“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.” Many of us have heard that before. It’s “The Benediction.” It’s what we hear at the end of a church service.

I have two questions for you. First, what do you feel when you hear it? And second, why do we say it at the end of a service? I’m going to make a few guesses as to your answers to those questions. My guess is you feel good. You feel like the service is over, you’ve just heard a good message, and you’re ready to leave. It just seems right to end the service that way. You probably focus on one word: bless. You feel glad that God wants to bless you. That could be how you feel. And the reason why we say it at the end? Well, we’ve always done it that way. It’s tradition.

As we look at Scripture, you’ll find that both of those answers are wrong. The benediction is about much more than that. Turn with me to Numbers 6:22-27.

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Tell Aaron and his sons, ‘This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them: ‘“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”’ So they will put my name on the Israelites and I will bless them.”

God tells Moses to tell Aaron and his sons, “This is how you should bless Israel.” Say these words to them. And in doing this, they put the name Yahweh on the nation of Israel. In Scripture, a name is an expression of the nature of its bearer. When God says the priests will put His name on Israel, He is saying, “Israel is mine. It is to have the same characteristics as I have. It is to be like me.”

So saying these words we know as the benediction serves as a reminder that we are God’s and that being God’s means following His commands. It also means that if others want to find out who God is, they should look at His people. God has given us His name, and that’s a huge responsibility.

There are two types of gifts. The first is the type we give to one another, like at birthdays or Christmas. We give gifts to ones we love with the intent that they keep them and use them. We don’t expect to receive anything in return, and we especially don’t expect to receive the gift back. The second is the type God gives to us. These gifts could be things like our children and spouses, our talents, the money we have, and His Son Jesus. God doesn’t expect us to keep these. He expects us to give them back, to share them with others. The gift of God’s name is the same thing. He expected Israel and now expects you and me to bear His name and share it with others.

The writer of Psalm 67 understood this concept. He was on to something when he wrote. So if you have your Bibles, let’s look there and see what this giving looks like.

May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us, that your ways may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations. May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you. May the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you rule the peoples justly and guide the nations of the earth. May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you. Then the land will yield its harvest, and God, our God, will bless us. God will bless us, and all the ends of the earth will fear him.

Does the first verse sound at all familiar? That’s right. It’s meant to make you think of Aaron’s blessing in Numbers 6. The psalmist has taken those few verses and added to them. His emphasis is not on the blessing, but on what the blessing produces: salvation among the nations.

He shows us that the reason you and I are given gifts by God is so we can be a blessing to the rest of the world. When this psalm was written, the nations, the peoples, and the ends of the earth referred to people living without Yahweh as God. They were the pagans. In our day, the nations are those who are living without Jesus Christ as Lord.

Three things I notice about the gifts:

1. God gave them to US. Not once do I see a “me” or “I.” These blessings are given to a people. That means that the guy sitting in the pew across the aisle that you hold a grudge against gets the same blessing you do. That means the woman who’s just accepted Christ as Savior and become a part of the people of God gets the same gift you do. It’s not about tenure or popularity or any other standard we use when we give gifts. The only factor involved is being a part of God’s people.

So, here’s a stupid comment. You have to participate with the people of God in order to receive the blessings of the people of God. In the Old Testament, that meant going to the temple, offering sacrifices, obeying the Law of Moses. In the New Testament and now, that means attending a church, following after Jesus. God never called us to “Lone Ranger” Christianity. He called us to be a part of a larger group of believers who worship Him together. It’s as a group that we are blessed.

We’re camping out at Devil’s Lake this week and our campsite is surrounded by trees. It hasn’t rained yet, but they’re calling for rain this week. When it rains, every one of those trees is going to get wet. Maybe the shorter ones won’t get as much rain, but they’ll still get wet. What would happen if I chopped one down and burnt it in my campfire? Don’t worry, I’m not going to. That tree would no longer get the rain the others got. It’s the same way in the church. If you remove yourself from the people of God, you remove yourself from His blessings.

Have you been blessed by God? Yes. And I’m sure you’ve heard others share testimonies of how God blessed them individually. He does that. But His primary way of blessing so that the whole earth will come to know Him is through His people, the church.

2. God expects our gifts to be used so the peoples praise Him. Like we said earlier, God’s gifts are to be used. The psalmist speaks of the God’s salvation being known among all nations. He’s not talking about salvation like we think of salvation: getting saved, accepting Christ as Savior. He’s speaking more of deliverance from trouble. This word is used in Isaiah 33:2: “O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.” It’s also used in Psalm 3:2: “O Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, ‘God will not deliver him.’ But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.”

The same way that God delivered His people from Egypt’s hand, the hope is that He will deliver the nations.

And this is for all people. In these verses, we see “peoples” and “nations.” In Hebrew, the psalmist uses 3 different words, all meaning a group of people of similar culture or nation. He’s trying to emphasize that this salvation is for everyone. That’s kind of crazy considering Israel is this tiny plot of land and people didn’t even know America existed back then. Yet somehow this man’s prayer was that all nations—even the ones who were Israel’s enemies; even the ones he’d never been to—would praise God.

His desire is that they would be glad and sing for joy because God judges them justly and guides them. Remember, judgment in that day was a good thing. It meant God pointed out their wrongdoing and gave them a course-correction so they wouldn’t harm others or spread the disease of sin. God ruling the peoples justly is a good thing, and for that reason they would praise him.

So the gifts God gives us—his blessings and favor—are meant so other people who don’t know Him will come to praise Him. We as a church need to recognize that and take part. Right now we’re going through the process of transforming our building. Why? Because God has given us a building to worship in and we want to draw as many people as possible to Him. Not because we don’t like pews, not because we desire to turn everything upside down, but because our building ought to be a good gift we can give to others.

3. God gives more gifts when we use the first ones properly. Verses 6-7 begin with “then.” It’s like saying, “We’ve been a blessing to others and been faithful with God’s blessing and His name—now He’s blessing us again.”

Remember one of the parables Jesus told. In Matthew 25:14-30 he tells the parable of the talents. One man receives 5 talents, another 2, another 1. The first two double their money, the third just buries his. Their master returns and says to the first two, “You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.” That’s the sense I get from the last two verses of Psalm 67.

So what happens if you and I decide to keep God’s name for ourselves. We’ve been blessed, and God has put his name on us. We are supposed to now represent Him and be a blessing to others, but we choose not to. That’s like rejecting God. James says faith without works is dead. In the same token, being blessed without blessing others is worthless. Odds are the future blessings of verses 6-7 aren’t going to come to us. Odds are God will find another group of Christians, another church, to use for His kingdom.

So, do we have the answers to those first two questions?

What do you feel when you hear the benediction, and why is it at the end? You feel happy, yes, but you also have a sense of responsibility, knowing that you must be a blessing as well. And you know it’s at the end as a reminder of all this. Like some churches post signs, “You are now entering the mission field,” allow the benediction to remind you of that.