Relationships

Obviously there are many more reasons why marriages fail. These are a few of the overlooked ones. We generally attribute divorce to financial or sexual problems, abuse or addictions, or something "high-profile." This session covers reasons 1-3 in some way. We talk about these things in the second session because all too often couples decide to get married and are at a "point of no return" in the months leading up to the wedding. The earlier we can acknowledge possible red flags the better. It's easier to call off a wedding if you haven't sent out invitations, bought a dress, etc.

4 Reasons Why Marriages Fail

1. One or both persons fail to understand the stages and changes of individual development—the seasons of life—and how these changes affect their marriage. Many women experience a mid-life “crisis” in their late thirties/early forties, and so do men.
2. People have an inadequate basis upon which they build their personal identity and security. Too many build on performance, perfectionism, or appearance, and these eventually fade. Our identity comes from our Creator—God—and only when we are secure in Him will we have a strong sense of identity.
3. People come to marriage with unresolved issues between them and their parents, or they come from dysfunctional families and this intrudes upon their marriage.
4. People never get prepared for marriage and have totally unrealistic expectations about marriage.

Relational Red Flags

A. You have a general uneasy feeling that there is something wrong in your relationship with your fiancé.
B. You find yourself arguing often.
C. Your fiancé seems irrationally jealous whenever you interact with someone of the opposite sex.
D. You avoid discussing certain subjects because you’re afraid of your fiancé’s reaction.
E. Your fiancé finds it extremely difficult to express emotions or is prone to extreme emotions (out-of-control anger) or is on an emotional rollercoaster.
F. Your fiancé is controlling your appearance, interaction with friends, time spent together, etc.
G. You are continuing the relationship because of fear: fear of hurting your fiancé or of what he/she might do if you break up.
H. Your fiancé does not treat you with respect.
I. Your fiancé is unable to hold down a job or is frequently borrowing money.
J. Your fiancé is unable to resolve conflict. He/she cannot deal with constructive criticism, never admits a mistake and never asks for forgiveness.
K. Your fiancé is overly dependent on his/her parents for finances, decision-making or emotional security.
L. Your fiancé shows a pattern of dishonesty, rationalizing behavior, or twisting the truth.
M. Your fiancé is abusing drugs or alcohol.
N. Your fiancé is addicted to pornography.

Other/Past Relationships

How much time will you spend with friends after you’re married?

How will you relate to opposite-sex friends after you’re married?

Have you had other serious dating relationships in the past?

Are you still friends with that person?

Do either of you have friends of the opposite sex? How close are you? How does your fiancé feel about this relationship?

How will this close friendship change after you’re married?

Do either of you get jealous? When? How do you act on your jealousy?