Parental Wisdom Project/Other Homework

Part of their homework for session 2 is a parental wisdom project. The goal is to learn from their parents, both the good and the bad. And hopefully it helps their parents feel like they are impacting their children. I also have the take a personality test (not posting it) and read the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.

The premise of the book is that God uses marriage to make us holy. Not only is this a new concept to most couples, it's also a Christian concept. The book is loaded with Scripture and stories from the author's marriage and the marriages of others that illustrate his point. I found it helpful in my own marriage, so why not let others read it too?

With each chapter they are to mark in the book to show they've read, as well as ask three questions. Those questions form the beginning of our discussion in the following session. So you don't think they have to read it all at once, reading is spread out over a period of about 5 months.

Here's the parental wisdom project.

“My son, observe the commandment of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother” (Proverbs 6:20).

“Honor your father and mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you” (Exodus 20:12).

This project is a way to get marital wisdom from your parents. As adults, you are not asking them to make a decision for you, nor should they expect to make your decisions for you. You are simply gaining their input, insights, and counsel (questions 1-10).

This project will also help you as your future in-laws give you a better understanding of how to love their son or daughter. Your relationship with your in-laws can be one of the richest in your life when you begin your marriage by honoring them (questions 11-13).

The best way to complete this project is to sit down face-to-face with your parents and future in-laws. If you cannot meet face-to-face, a phone conversation is the next best thing. Hearing their answers will give you more wisdom than reading their answers. If both of those don’t work, you can mail it to them and have it mailed back or email it.

If your parents are divorced, you can decide who to ask. If you want to ask step-parents, that’s fine. It is probably best to include those people you feel close to. If some of the questions are touchy subjects for your parents, feel free to adapt the questionnaire. Have fun with your parents!

1. What strengths do you see in my life that will help me in marriage?

2. What weaknesses do you see in my life that will be a challenge for me to work on and overcome in my marriage?

3. If you could give me one piece of advice about marriage (based on what you did right or wrong), what would it be and why?

4. What is your best advice to me in the following areas as I embark on this new adventure called marriage? Pick three to five you would like to comment on.
◊Finances
◊Commitment
◊Priorities
◊Communication
◊Humor
◊Work
◊Sex
◊Parenting
◊Husband/Wife Roles
◊Spiritual Growth

5. Is there anything special or meaningful to you that you would like us to include in the wedding ceremony?

6. How do you anticipate my relationship with you, as my parents, will change now that I am marrying and establishing a new family and home?

7. How would you like us to handle holidays?

8. If God gives us children, how would you like to be in their lives?

9. Would you like us to drop in unannounced or call before visiting?

10. Do you have any specific expectations about where we attend church?

11. What are some qualities you see in me as a future son- or daughter-in-law that make you think I am the right person for your son/daughter to marry?

12. What unique and personal advice would you give me about your son/daughter that will help me to be the life partner he/she needs?

13. What would you like me to call you after we are married?