Marriage is not to one person, it's to an entire family. Though God calls us to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse, that doesn't mean we cut off all ties to our in-laws. I just married a couple last Saturday, and their 6-yr-old daughter cried when I introduced the unity candle. She thought she would never see grandma and grandpa again!
It's important to learn where each person has come from because, no matter how hard we try, we generally take something from our parents, both good and bad.
How many siblings do you each have? How do you get along with them?
Do they get along with your fiancé?
How far apart do your families live?
How important is family to you? Will they be a priority after you get married? How often will you visit them?
What was your family’s socioeconomic background as you were growing up? What is it now?
Is there any way in which there is still a dependency or something unresolved between you and your parents?
Did you experience any kind of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) as you grew up? Explain.
What traumatic, tragic events or hardships did your family experience? How did these shape you?
As you look back on your family history, do you see any legacies that have been passed from one generation to the next? (For example, one family might pass on a legacy of trusting in God through hard times, while another may give up in hard times.)
What words would you use to describe your parents’ marriage? Why did you choose these words?
What is there about your parents’ marriage that you want or don’t want?
What roles did your parents assume in the house?
How did they make decisions?
How do you think your relationships to your parents will change after you are married?
What other relatives do you expect to be involved in your marriage and family (siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc)? In what ways would they be involved?
How involved do you want your parents and in-laws to be in your children’s lives? How will you accomplish this?
In this section, the man answers questions about his mother and the woman answers questions about her father. They say you subconsciously pick a spouse based on positive traits you see in your parent of the opposite sex. These are all questions for him, but replace "mother" with "father" and you get the questions for her.
List what you feel are the positive qualities of your mother.
List what you feel are the negative qualities of your mother.
Describe how you feel about your mother.
What emotions does she express openly and how?
Describe how you and your mother communicate.
Describe the most pleasant and unpleasant experiences with your mother.
In what way is your fiancé similar and dissimilar to your mother?
What role will your mom play after marriage? Will you run to her or to your wife?
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1 comments:
What about when a person isnt accepted because of culture or religion. I dont feel that it is a reason not to marry? I feel that you will be leaving your family and creating a new one and that the family before mainly matters because of your ties and upbringing but I dont see how they can be a deciding factor if it is not a factor for either getting married? Now what do you do when you get someone who isnt accepted and wants their husband to stand by their side? Do you tell them they shouldnt marry? If it is something both of them have worked on but nothing will change with one of the families how is that any fault of the couple and why should that reflect on their marriage? Its a new family a new life and the relationship between the husband and wife is supposed to signify the relationship between you and God so why would you put family before that? Please email me with more information on this section desirem19@msn.com
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